


watch the lango, mango

by isabelaofrivaini



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Dreams and Nightmares, M/M, Mutual Pining, This combination of AUs will make more sense when you read the beginning noted, Torture, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 14:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12889833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabelaofrivaini/pseuds/isabelaofrivaini
Summary: He chokes down a sob, forcing it back into his body with a gross hacking noise. Whatever. It’s better than crying openly in front of Magnus, in front ofanybody.“Taako,” Magnus says, voice shushing and quiet. He has this look on his face, not quite pity but something else that Taako can’t determine. “You’re okay. You’re alright. You’re safe here.”(Or, the one where Taako and Magnus help each other heal.)





	watch the lango, mango

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes about this universe:  
> This is a modern/no magic/human AU, though the Bureau of Balance still exists. In this verse, it was a dope underground organization that had the same premise of saving the world, but they run on the other side of the law. There is no Voidfish/rites of remembrance/the like to clear people's memories. The rest should be self-explanatory, but if you have any questions, feel free to send something in the comments! As long as you're nice about it lol
> 
> Also: Person writing this started this around episode 36 or so and is now on episode 41. If there are any blatantly incorrect characterizations due to what happens in later episodes, let me live. (For example, I wrote this before knowing that Taako had problems with cooking for people he cares about, so I'm just going to pretend that that didn't happen in this verse since I can do what I want. Imagine finger guns.) I'm jutting out as many Taagnus fics as I can before Taakitz happens, because I know that I'll probably fall in love with that ship, too.
> 
> ALSO - If violence/torture/etc scenes make you squeamish, you might want to skip the last two italicized scenes. They do provide information about what happened to get the THB to where they are today, though, so you might want to try reading 'em anyway.
> 
> Write me on tumblr @ pupperbee.tumblr.com

There’s a stain that looks suspiciously like blood on the ugly beige carpet, though it looks like someone has tried very hard (and _failed_ ) to make it go away. There are three other stains in the immediate area next to it, except those have more of a yellow tinge than a red one. Taako hopes to some degree that someone just got _really_ excited with cranberry sauce and squash around Thanksgiving and spilled it everywhere. That’s the best alternative scenario that he can think up.

Merle covers it up with the rug that they’d snagged for free off of someone’s lawn, a little dirty but too dark for the majority of the mud to show up. Taako will have to remember to wash it in the next few days, but right now they have dozens of boxes to unpack and he can’t really be bothered. He can deal with a little dirt trekking off of their sneakers for the next few hours or so.

This is the only place that they could afford and still have enough money to get some furniture. It’s a two bedroom trailer, the walls peeling with old floral wallpaper. The kitchen is the first thing you see when you walk in, tight and enclosed and not _nearly_ enough space for Taako to cook to the best of his ability, especially now that he has this frickin’ limp. It will have to do, though, since he’s the only one of this stupid trio who knows how to put two ingredients together.

Magnus has been quiet the whole time that they’ve been on the run, but he looks like he’s finally eased up a little bit. The whole time that they spent in that beater of a car that they’d eventually had to ditch somewhere around Colorado, he’d refused to talk in anything but riddles. He doesn’t look like he’s scared of being listened in on anymore. Taako feels a little bit of - Christ, that’s not _sympathy,_ is it? - over the fact that this whole thing is Magnus’s fault the least. It’s all on Taako.

Taako really hates the fact that sometimes, more often that it should, doing what’s _good_ and what’s _legal_ don’t overlap at all. They were saving the _fucking_ world, and one fuck up had sent the three of them spiraling out on their own.

Now, the two of them are sitting on the floor, trying desperately to put together the cheapest IKEA cabinet that they could find. Merle is out, somewhere, following up on a Craigslist ad for a relatively cheap pull-out couch. Taako used to have to put together a lot of furniture when he was younger, back when he and Lup used to cause daily, sibling-bonding robbery diversions in Bed, Bath, & Beyond, but that was a long time ago. He almost let himself get used to the miniature luxuries that the Bureau of Balance offered them.

“I’m sorry that I’m so useless at this,” Magnus apologizes, but he doesn’t really seem that torn up about it. “All these fuckin’ screws look the same.”

“Woah, watch the lango, Mango,” Taako says. “We’re chill! We’re chill. Let’s just hope that the couch Merle is getting isn’t an ugly ass color.”

“I’ll buy you Starbucks if it’s not green,” Magnus snorts. He hates Starbucks, thinks it’s too expensive and likes just making his coffee at home, black with no sugar. Gross. Taako loves the pricey stuff that’s so sweet that his teeth start to rot.

“No, no, no,” Taako says. “Merle is going to bring in some ratty brown couch that looks like a dog has been chewing on it for _years._ Hell, I’ll tell you what. If it’s not brown, I’ll make you pancakes for a week.”

Magnus gets a glint in his eye. “Chocolate chip?”

(The couch ends up being brown. There are green stitches in the back, fixing up some sort of hole, so Magnus demands that it’s even. The two of them meet in the middle and spend the next day eating pancakes and drinking coffee.)

-

_There’s a hand on his back, warm and almost as big as the entire upper half of his torso. His entire body hurts to hell and back, but none of that matters right now. “Look,” Taako says, and he hates the fact that his voice cracks. “I fucked up. That’s on me! Don’t let these - these fuckers get ditched for my mistakes!”_

_“You didn’t ‘fuck up,’ Taako,” Lucretia says, and she sounds the most emotional that Taako has ever heard her. That’s still not saying much, since the only giveaway that she’s not a hundred percent okay right now is the hint of a waver in her tone. “It was a trap. The exact same thing would be happening right now if Merle had been in there, or Killian, or Carey, or me. It was just the luck of the draw.”_

_Taako shuts his eyes tight and shakes his head. She’s lying so that he won’t feel too bad. He knows how this game is; he’s been on both ends too many times. He can’t believe her. He won’t._

_“I am begging you, Director,” he says, “and I don’t - I don’t beg, ever, okay? That’s not my M.O., alright, I don’t fucking ... But I am_ begging _you, please, let Merle and Magnus stay here.” Taako knows what happens to people who get removed from this organization. He can take that burden by himself._

_“You don’t get to make that choice for us, Taako,” Merle says, and his voice is gentle, like he’s about to soothingly convince someone to leaf through his bible. “We’re not letting you do this by yourself.”_

_Taako is too scared to open his eyes, but he does so anyway. He’s met with the sight of worried faces. “How’s my leg looking, doc?” Taako says, instead of confronting anything else. Merle’s hesitant hands stilling momentarily over his knee is enough of an answer. Not good._

_“I’m going to need to take the knives out,” Merle says, quieter than he’s possibly ever been. “It’s gonna hurt like a son of a bitch, Taako.”_

_“You could have lied a little, y’know, taken one out of my book,” Taako says. Magnus takes the hand that’s on his back and pulls him in closer so that now they’re in an embrace. The reminder that Magnus is there is both reassuring and guilt-inducing. Taako can’t force Magnus into this… not when he -_

_“I’m sorry, Taako,” Merle says, but it’s drowned out by a scream._

-

Taako must have a new habit of screaming in his sleep, because he wakes up to hands on his shoulders and his name being repeated over and over. He can still feel the hands on his leg, can still feel how much it hurts. _Taako, Taako…!_

He realizes that the voice isn’t just an aftershock from his dream when he opens his eyes and sees Magnus, who looks a little scared. _Oh, shit._ He must have woken Magnus up, since the two bedrooms share a wall. It’s Taako’s turn to sleep in one of the bedrooms this week, with Merle out on the ugly pull-out in the living room.

He chokes down a sob, forcing it back into his body with a gross hacking noise. Whatever. It’s better than crying openly in front of Magnus, in front of _anybody._ “Taako,” Magnus says, voice shushing and quiet. He has this look on his face, not quite pity but something else that Taako can’t determine. “You’re okay. You’re alright. You’re safe here.”

“I don’t-” Taako starts, and tries to say _need to be coddled like a fucking child, Mags, fuck off,_ or something like that, at least, but the rest of the sentence cuts off. “I don’t,” he says again, but he does, so he grabs Magnus by the shirt and pulls him in for a hug.

He hopes it displays something along the lines of _I’m sorry,_ because God knows that he can never say those words out loud. He likes to think that the fingers running through his hair are responding with _you’re forgiven, you’re forgiven._

(Maybe even _I love you._ )

-

Merle gets a job on the dairy farm right on the outskirts of town, helping with the crops. Magnus works odd jobs with the neighbors and answers online ads, painting walls and mowing lawns. He even babysits for the nine-year-old girl down the street with no front teeth who reminds Taako of Angus so much that he _aches_ with it. Taako waits tables at both a diner and a slightly fancier Italian restaurant, working shift after shift until his mind is so full of “ _How can I help you today?”_ and shitty tips that he can almost be too tired to remember that this is all his fault.

He starts taking online classes. Lucretia had asked, before they’d left, if they wanted her to fake any degrees for them. “To help you restart,” she had said, all wisdom and dignified loneliness. Taako had, of course, asked for every degree in the book. They’d settled on a hundred of Taako’s choice, of which there is now a stack of paperwork in one of the closets, all under his fake name. Even with all of them, he’s still gotta know what he’s talking about before he gets a good job, right?

They’re not billionaires, and they’re certainly not making six figures, but they get by. Taako’s coworker seems to think that the three of them are in a polyamorous relationship, but Merle’s, like, _fifty,_ and Magnus is …

Well. Magnus is not interested.

The mere notion of being in a relationship has been baffling Taako for the good month or two that they’ve been gone. When they were with the Bureau of Balance, he knew the whole time that he could never settle down. There was never a point in finding a husband or kids or both when he knew that they’d never get to know him. The “ _real him,”_ the one who was constantly on secret missions for their underground organization. Not to mention that the job itself was dangerous, so Taako couldn’t pursue anything domestically.

But Taako Taaco is _gone,_ replaced by someone with a fake name and smile. Magnus Burnsides and Merle Highchurch are both gone, too. (Taako had used Magnus’s fake name, Terry, _once,_ but it had been so foreign, so _bizarre,_ that they both had just grimaced and shaken their heads.) They don’t even get the luxury of a funeral or a ceremony, they just … go away.

He aches. He didn’t think it would hurt this much. He didn’t think that he would miss everybody so much.

-

_Angus comes to Taako’s room the night that it happens. They’d given him a key to their suite almost right away, way back when, once the three of them had all started to realize how fiercely they care about this kid. Magnus had even offered to let him live with them, but due to the fact that there’s only three bedrooms in their suite, and Angus is a growing kid who needs his own space, that plan had fallen apart._

_“Taako?” Angus says. “I - I was talking with Magnus and Merle earlier. They were saying goodbye to everybody, but … you didn’t show up.”_

_Taako hums. He finished packing his bags almost an hour ago, not having much stuff to bring with him anyway. “Oh, you know,” Taako says, so much more lighthearted than he feels. “I don’t know if they can handle my witty jokes right now. I’m just too good, you know? They’re too … lame.” Good enough._

_“But, sir!” Angus exclaims, as if he is deeply offended at the mere concept of Taako feeling like too much to handle. The joke has completely flown over his head, though perhaps he has just ignored it for the bullshit excuse that it was. “We all - we’re all gonna miss you so much! You couldn’t even say goodbye?” The last question is phrased as if it was supposed to come out angrily, but the only emotion that Angus displays is utter despair. It hurts worse than the anger would have._

_Taako has done some fucked up things. He’s stolen from people who deserved it with every ounce of their being, and he’s robbed people who didn’t deserve it at all. He’s assaulted people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he’s interrogated and tortured a few individuals for the Bureau of Balance. He’s tough as fuck, and he’s brave as fuck. (Maybe not smart as fuck, but, well, he tries!) So there is absolutely no reason that a crying child should have any effect on him at all._

_But he must be getting soft, because he takes Angus’s hand before he even really knows that he’s doing it, the way his mother used to do for him to calm him down. Angus’s hand is smooth, unlike Taako’s. Taako’s hands might be small but they are rough, having wielded bows and arrows and knives, with scars on his fingertips in a failed attempt to trick the fingerprinting tests._

_“Ango,” Taako says, quiet, and he’s not going to cry. “I am so glad that I met you, darling. You are-” he falters. How do you say goodbye to a ten-year-old kid as good, as strong and as intelligent as Angus McDonald? “You are going to be_ great,” _Taako says, and he’s not going to cry. “At whatever you do. Okay? I don’t make promises, but I can promise you that.”_

_“Taako,” Angus says. “Sir, please don’t leave! I - maybe I can convince the Director to just - wipe your records and call you by a different name! You could still stay here!”_

_“Honey,” Taako says, and he’s not sure where the pet names are coming from, not sure when he started seeing Angus as his own kid, but he’s not going to cry. “Honey, you and I both know that that’s not how it works.”_

_Angus is full on sobbing now, so Taako pulls him in for a hug._ Stupid Taako, _he thinks to himself._ Stupid, stupid Taako, getting yourself attached to the purest kid on the entire fuckin’ planet. This was never gonna end well. You ruin everything you touch. _“It’s okay,” Taako whispers, and he’s not going to cry. “It’s going to be okay, Ango.”_

_“I love you, Taako,” Angus says. “I love all three of you! You’re like - you’re like my uncles, and, I’m, I’m going to miss you so much…”_

_Taako closes his eyes. “I love you, too, kiddo,” he says, and he’s crying._

-

Whenever Taako has a nightmare, he wakes up to Magnus with him. He half-expects his friend to slip out of the room once he falls back asleep, but he always has someone snoring next to him when he wakes up the second time. Taako never remembers screaming, which is the funny thing, so either Magnus has magic Taako senses or he always stops before he wakes up.

They never talk about it anymore, not after the first time. Taako always sleeps better when there’s someone next to him, solely for protection purposes. No other reason whatsoever.

After his dream/memory about Angus, he wakes up to the feeling of hands in his hair. He realizes, vaguely and distantly, as if his senses are all being perceived through a cloud, that Magnus is gently taking out the hair ties that hold his long braid together.

“He’s safe,” Magnus says, quietly, as if he’s not quite sure if Taako is awake or not. Taako must have said Angus’s name, at some point, for Magnus to know what to talk about. He only continues talking once Taako turns his head up at him, opening sleepy eyes. “He’s gonna be safe. Lucretia, Killian, Carey: they’ll all take real good care of him. Killian mentioned that she and Carey might want to  … well. Pick up where we left off with him.”

“I miss that asshole,” Taako says, because the only way he can talk about his feelings is if he makes something a joke. “Miss picking on him.”

Magnus hums, focusing on undoing Taako’s braid. He combs his fingers through the long, slightly frizzy locks, and it’s stupidly soothing. “Me, too,” Magnus says, gentle. “I love that kid.”

“Me, too,” Taako says. “Jesus. Me fucking too.”

-

At some point, Taako starts waking up to Magnus every morning, even when he doesn’t have nightmares. He doesn’t bring it up, but the fact that Merle packs up the sheets and blanket that were consistently on the pull-out couch shows that he doesn’t have to.

It’s not - It’s not a _thing._ It really isn’t. They don’t talk about their feelings or kiss or any of that stupid bullshit. Magnus just sleeps next to him now. Nothing has changed, and nothing else _needs_ to change.

The night that Taako complains about misplacing his binder and waking up with it laid out for him on a chair is completely normal. Him buying Magnus’s favorite brands of coffee as opposed to the actually decent ones is just because they were on sale. He’s only started wearing Magnus’s XL baseball tee that fits him like a dress to bed because it’s _comfortable._ Not because it smells like pine trees and cinnamon, because this isn’t a fucking _fanfiction,_ Taako can’t even detect those smells…

(Taako’s the best liar he knows, but lying to himself just kind of falls flat. It’s better than the alternative for now, though.)

-

Merle turns fifty-three that May. Taako takes it upon himself to prepare everything, even though he probably has the least free time out of all of them. He works the opening shift of his job at the diner that morning for the purpose of having a few hours after work to set up. His coworkers had all been a little surprised to see him there, considering the fact that he’s never been seen in public before two in the afternoon.

He goes to the local grocery store after work and basically buys it out. Streamers and birthday candles and helium-filled balloons, plates and knives and forks and all of the ingredients he needs for Merle’s favorite dishes. There’s also the ingredients for cake - you can’t forget about the cake. Especially when he doesn’t think that Merle has treated himself to some actually _good_ chocolate cake since before they went on the run.

It’s three-thirteen when Magnus gets home from whatever work he’d been doing that day - laying bricks, maybe? He lays his coat on the arm of the couch, dusts off his pants, looks up, and says: “holy shit.”

“Maggie!” Taako exclaims, clapping his hands together. The flour that was on his palms goes everywhere, even his eyes and hair. “Come keep me company while I bake! I promise, I’ll even let you taste the batter.” He doesn’t make promises, but this is an easy one to make. Plus, it’s Magnus. Taako could promise Magnus the moon and he’d intend to keep it. That’s a terrifying thought, though, so Taako just sticks his hand into the bowl of uncooked batter and licks it off. _Hmm_. Not bad.

Magnus smiles, goofy and sincere. “Sure thing, Taak, but let me shower first? I smell like cement and plywood. Also cow manure.”

“Gross,” Taako says. “Go shower and smell good for Merle,” he says, as if Merle won’t come home smelling like fertilizer too. “But please be quick about it, babe, or else I won’t let you eat the leftover frosting.”

Magnus trips over his feet on his way into the bathroom. Taako doesn’t realize why until a good five minutes later. _Oops._

Jeez, if he’s getting to the point where he’s calling Magnus things like that without even thinking about it, and Magnus doesn’t even say anything about it, then maybe … Taako needs to reevaluate what this is or isn’t. Just maybe.

Magnus does keep him company post-shower, just like he said he’d would. Taako doesn’t really have a job for him, so he just tells Magnus to watch over the beef stew that is simmering on the stove, even though he knows that it won’t need to be altered for almost another hour.

Taako finishes the cake batter pretty quickly. He had been debating going all out, with different layers and flavors and toppings, but unfortunately he doesn’t really have the time. Oh, well, at least he knows that Merle will appreciate this smaller cake just as much.

Magnus tries to help with the frosting, since it’s just a simple buttercream. He puts in a little too much powdered sugar, though, so Taako has to put in more milk. The milk makes it a little soupy, so then he has to put in _more_ sugar, and then all of a sudden they have way too much frosting for this cake.

Magnus smiles, a little sheepish, as if this wasn’t his plan all along. Taako sees right through him but finds the notion too endearing to give Magnus the impression that he’s actually upset. He just whines about it a little instead.

They hang up the streamers together and tie a bunch of balloons to the mailbox. Neither of them don’t have time to make a banner, since Merle will be home right when the stew is done, (Taako _planned_ this) but it looks better without one. More refined, maybe.

“Taako, this is gonna be great,” Magnus says for the thirtieth time. They’ve finished everything, and now they’re just eating the leftover frosting together with spoons. “Trust me! He’ll love it! This is the best birthday present he could probably ask for. You know how much he loves your food.”

Taako chews his lip. For past holidays, he’d been perfectly fine with just getting Magnus and Merle a small gift, like a macaron each, but that was before they up and moved across the country with him. He could be doing this alone with nothing but his guilt and his nightmares, but he’s not alone. He’s got his friends with him. “I got him other stuff, too,” Taako says. There’s a card, a gift card, and a sweater tailored specifically to fit Merle due to his short height. “Oh, well. If he has a problem with anything I got him, I’ll call him an asshole and refuse him cake.”

“Atta boy,” Magnus says, with that stupid undeterminable look on his face again, and then, “he’s here!”

-

Merle loves the sweater. He almost puts it on the second that he opens it, but Taako refuses to let him, knowing that it will end up with stew stains on the front by the end of the night. “It’s very comfortable, thank you, Taako,” Merle says as he strokes the inside of one of the sleeves. “It will make farming much more comfortable in the colder months.”

Taako had _no_ idea how easy to please Merle is until he’s been on the receiving end of at least a dozen compliments that night. _Oh, Taako, I haven’t had beef stew like this since the birth of my first child. Oh, Taako, this chocolate cake is simply divine, I’m going to pray to Pan about it later_ … Taako _might_ be exaggerating a little bit, but he’s allowed to poke fun at Merle if he wants to. Especially when he makes it so _easy._ It’s nice to hear Merle laugh so hard that he wheezes for once, though.

Magnus gives Merle a few carved wooden trinkets. Taako’s favorites are the set of an owl, a mongoose, and a bear, in honor of the car race they’d been in way back when. Taako almost wants his own to put on his own bookshelf, but he won’t ask Magnus. That would be too sentimental.

They end up on the pull-out couch, all three of them squished next to each other in a way that should probably be more uncomfortable than it is. Taako’s head is on Magnus’s shoulder pretty much against his own will, since no matter how far he turns his head, he just doesn’t have enough room. His legs are spread over Merle’s lap so that his feet dangle off of his friend’s right thigh.

It’s comfortable. Taako doesn’t know when he let these people get so close to him, but at some point the lines got blurry. “I’m an idiot,” he says to himself, quiet. He falls asleep right there on the couch before he can answer any questions as to why.

He doesn’t have any nightmares that night.

-

“Just a cup of coffee for both of you?” Taako asks, smile plastered on his face. It’s not a genuine smile, since he’s ready to just go home and take a nap. The two teenagers sitting at the booth echo back two overly high-pitched _yes, thank you_ s as Taako leaves them be.

“Psst, Michael,” his coworker hisses to him, beckoning him over. The fake name still takes Taako a second too long to respond to, but he eventually does, and ducks over to the woman talking to him.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Taako asks. “Why are you still here? Don’t you get out at five today?”

“My cover _just_ left to get here,” is the answer. “But she lives right down the road, and I’ve got a date tonight, so I was wondering if you’d take the last table I have left? It’s only one person, it should be fairly easy.” She’s giving Taako a look that just begs the word _please,_ hands clasped tightly together in a hopeful gesture.

Taako’s bullshit smile is back. If he didn’t need the tips, he’d just say no, but he can’t. “Oh, yeah, no problem,” he says. “Don’t even worry about it, honey. Go have fun on your hot date. Are they cute?”

“She’s adorable,” is the answer, and Taako’s sentimental enough to let that soften up his stupid heart. “Thank you _so_ much, Michael, I owe you one! Next time you have a date with your boyfriends, I’ll do the same!”

Taako groans. “M- _Jack_ is like, fifty-three. I’m not dating him.”

“You didn’t deny the other one!”

And, _fuck,_ he didn’t.

Taako glances over to the table that he’d just agreed to cover, and his breath chokes in his throat. The first thing he sees is arms of thin muscle, a little sweaty, like they’d just gotten out of the gym. Hair cut short to their head, just like -

Taako closes his eyes. _Stop associating everything with the way it used to be,_ he tells himself. _Their hair’s not cut like Lucretia’s, those arms aren’t fit like Carey’s, they’re just someone else’s._

(The fact that he misreads _Gillian_ as _Killian_ when he swipes her card doesn’t help.)

-

_“It’s simple, Taako,” he says, and Taako hates this. He hates that he fucked up, hates that they know his name now. This is all his fault._ His fault. His fault. _“You just tell us what we need to know, and we let you go!”_

_Taako spits on the floor and it leaves a small red puddle. “You should just kill me and get this over with, I guess,” he says. “‘Cause, uh … I ain’t telling you jack shit.”_

_“Oh, a shame,” the man says, leather jacket and all. God. Who let Taako join an organization that works with the fucking gangs in town? Who let Taako get caught by a fucking cliche? “‘Cause, uh … you Bureau of Balance assholes? You broke your deal. So you’re gonna bleed until you tell me where the rest of ‘em are. If you’re smart, you’ll get the hell out of dodge after. Then you won’t have to be there when we come for the rest of ‘em.”_

_“Fuck_ you," _Taako says._

-

Taako feels cold sweat all over his face, feels it sticking to his shirt. He pushes himself onto his elbows, looking down at Magnus next to him. Magnus’s face is crunched up in his sleep, as if he’s frustrated about something, and it’s a little cute. Taako wants nothing more than to just slide back under Magnus’s arm, the way that they had been intertwined before sleep restlessness had led them to just lying side-by-side. However, he’s not sure he can subject Magnus to the torture that is his sweaty shirt, so he slips out of bed. Facing towards the wall just in case Magnus gets up, he pulls off the old UNH shirt that he’d been wearing and changes into the only other shirt that he can see, folded up neatly on the chair. He can’t really tell what type of shirt it is due to the lighting in the room, but it feels comfortable.

“No, Taako,” Magnus says, and Taako turns to his friend. What? _No, Taako, that’s my shirt, get your grubby paws off of it?_ Or _No, Taako, come back to bed?_ Except it doesn’t seem to be either of those, considering the fact that Magnus still has his eyes screwed shut.

_Oh,_ Taako thinks. _I’m not the only one who has nightmares._ He wants to kick himself for being surprised by that fact. Jeez, how self-centered has he been?

Except - he’s never been in this position before. He’s never been the one to have to wake Magnus up. He _should_ wake Magnus up, right? What if Magnus is just having a normal dream and Taako ruins it?

Except Magnus has one hand tightly wound into a fist, and he’s biting his lip so hard that Taako thinks it might bleed. It’s almost like Magnus knows not to wake up Taako, even in his sleep. It’s a warming thought, if not an annoying one. _Let me help you, you asshole._

Taako, a little awkward, crawls back into bed so that he’s sitting next to Magnus. Maybe the dream is already-

“ _Don’t... touch him.”_

… Nevermind. It’s not over. Taako’s an idiot.

He reaches out a hand, and, a little hesitant, touches Magnus’s cheek. “Magnus,” he whispers. If he was just a little more selfish, he’d go back to bed, but this is _Magnus,_ who has given Taako everything and then some. “Magnus, sweetheart, it’s time to wake up now, okay? You’re just dreaming.”

Magnus doesn’t wake up right away, but after about a minute or so of Taako awkwardly petting and shushing him, he stirs. He doesn’t jolt awake the way that Taako does, sometimes. He just opens his eyes and, for a second, looks around the room. His eyes linger on Taako, though.

“Uh, morning, sleepyhead,” Taako says. “Well, I say morning, but, it’s, like, four in the-”

“Taako,” Magnus interrupts, and Taako doesn’t have the heart to even pretend to be annoyed by it. “You’re safe.”

“Um, yeah!” Taako says. “Still got all my limbs. Unlike Merle.”

Magnus slowly, as if not to spook a deer in headlights, shifts so that he’s eye level with Taako. Taako’s really bad at this, he’s never had to do this to Magnus before, so he asks: “What do you need?”

“A hug?” Magnus asks, almost as if he thinks that Taako will decline. _You’re ridiculous,_ Taako thinks, and leans in.

A beat passes before Magnus gently pulls away. He looks down at Taako’s shirt and laughs, quiet and more heavy breathing than anything. “You really like wearing my shirts, huh?”

Taako glances down. Now that his eyes have adjusted a little bit more, he can tell that it _is_ Magnus’s, an old tee that is pretty much a dress on Taako. “It’s very comfortable,” Taako says. _And it’s yours._

Magnus makes a disbelieving “mmhmm” sound, as if he knows _exactly_ why Taako is wearing it. “Sure. No sentimental value whatsoever.”

_Oh, no,_ Taako thinks. _When did I fall in love with you?_

“Of course not,” he says instead. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Then I’m sure you’d be fine giving it back to me?” Magnus teases.

“ _No,_ ” Taako says. “It’s mine until morning. Sorry not sorry.”

-

“You know,” Merle says that morning, over warm drinks. “Have I ever told you the story of how I met my first girlfriend?”

Taako squints over his cup of tea. Magnus is already out for the day, having told a neighbor who’s out for the week that he’d feed their dog in the mornings. He’s been so excited about it that Taako almost wants to get Magnus his own dog. He’d take good care of it.

“No, you haven’t,” Taako says after a moment, realizing that Merle is expecting an answer. “Did you woo her with your bible? Bond over Pan?”

“No, no,” Merle says. He has the same look on his face that he gets when he’s trying to convince someone to look through his brochures and leaflets. “I didn’t worship Pan until I was… early thirties, maybe? Seems like forever ago. No, this happened when I was just getting into college. You can imagine that not many people in high school could handle all three feet, eight inches of _this_ goodness.”

“Of course,” Taako says, voice laced with something nicer than sarcasm, but less serious than a compliment. “You were simply so handsome that nobody could even comprehend it. They shook at the mere notion of approaching somebody as perfect as you.”

Merle laughs the way he always does, booming. “Flattery will get you nowhere, no matter how correct you are. No, uh, this was when I was actually a lot less smooth. Barely could grow a beard back then.

“I must’ve been nineteen, or maybe twenty. So I was a little bit younger than you are now. There was this girl in my Art History class. I only took it because I needed the credits, but I think I pretended to be into it for _months_ because of her. Acted like I was gonna become some sort of historian. I studied ten times more for that class than I did for any of my other classes, just in case this girl ever needed to ask me a question.

“Thing is, she was smart as hell, right? So she didn’t need any help, and I was an idiot for assuming that someday she would. It took me about halfway through the semester to even muster the courage to ask her if she would want to help me with studying sometime. And she, well, she seemed surprised, since I’d never even talked to her before, but she said yes.”

Merle hesitates after that, as if trying to figure out what to say next. For a brief second, Taako almost thinks that the story is going to end there. What was the moral of this? Or perhaps there isn’t one, and Merle is simply reminiscing about past romances. Taako is almost confused when he keeps talking.

“So we had study dates. Once a week, sometimes twice a week. They were fun! We would study for a good hour, and then we’d watch a movie, or play a video game, or go out for dinner. Hell, I spent so much time with her that I can’t even remember the names of any of my other friends during that semester. There was only one thing, though, and that was that we never talked about the fact that we were… well, going on all those dates.

“And I wasn’t as smart back then, perish the thought, so the thought of trying to label whatever that was was _terrifying_ ! What if I tried to make it something more than she wanted it to be, and then it was just dreadful afterwards, you know? So I didn’t. And I didn’t _need_ to, really, if I had been comfortable with just doing whatever she wanted, but I wasn’t. I wanted this girl to be exclusive with me, though I didn’t know how to say it. But the thought of her going out with someone else felt so bad that I had to just man up - sorry, I know you hate when I say that - that I had to just bite the bullet and do it. So I did.”

He seems like he’s done now. “And?” Taako asks. “Did she say yes?”

“Oh, yeah,” Merle says offhandedly, as if it’s not even important. “We dated for maybe four months. She transferred after her first year and we lost touch.”

Taako sips his tea, but at some point it went cold. _Damn_. “If there’s a point here, Merle, I love you, but I’m missing it.”

Merle sighs, as if he was hoping that he wouldn’t have to be so specific. “Point is, Taako, is that if you want to keep what you and Magnus have as just some sort of, I don’t know, friendly emotional support thing, then that’s completely fine.” Taako chokes on his tea. _Holy shit._ Merle keeps talking. “But if you want _more_ than that? Someday, Magnus might want to expand his romantic horizons again. Julia was a long time ago, and someday he’s gonna … want to find someone to spend the rest of his life with romantically. That’s not the life that everybody wants, but that’s the type of person he is. If you want that person to be you, Taako, you gotta tell him.”

Taako doesn’t really know what to say to that. He didn’t even know that he was being obvious about the fact that he maybe wanted more than friendship with Magnus. He could lie to Merle, right now, and say that he’d been reading the signs wrong. It would be easy, but Taako doesn’t know if that’s what he wants to do.

“I know,” he says, instead of lying. “I’m workin’ on it.”

“Alright, buddy,” Merle says, and the mere words are comforting. “Take your time, but not too much.”

-

_Taako doesn’t so much feel the pain in his leg as much as he feels the intrusion. There is something in his leg that is not supposed to be there, and it’s_ wrong, wrong, wrong. _He sure does feel the pain in the other parts of his body, though. He can feel blood dripping from his nose where he’d been punched, can feel the sharp and bitter sting of where his chest had been cut open._

_“I am going to remind you, Taako,” the man says. “There is no reason that you need to be alive. If you don’t tell us, then we have no use for you, and you’d be better off dead. You know, I’m starting to think that this is your last chance. You tell me what I want to know, and I’ll let you go. After this, well, I’m just gonna kill you no matter what.”_

_Taako stares him down. God, if only he could reach the walkie in his pocket, but his hands are tied together. “No,” he says. “No.”_

_“That’s a shame,” the man says, and he looks so familiar. He looks so fucking familiar. “Oh, well. Hey, I haven’t used_ this _rope yet. How about we end this with you off of your feet, huh?”_

I’m going to die, _Taako thinks, and maybe, just maybe, he can make his peace with it._

_“Wait,” a voice emits, crackling through the walkie. Is that the Director? “We can work out a plan on Taako’s behalf. How much do you want?”_

_The man stops short. “I didn’t know you had a talkie on you, Taako,” he says. “Oh, jee, this could’ve been even more fun.” He grabs the device out of Taako’s pocket, and says into it, “Hello, ma’am! I haven’t talked to you in_ such _a long time, huh? I’m afraid it’s too late for poor Taako here, but I’m willing to listen to any other offers.”_

_“Don’t make any offers, Director,” Taako says, as loudly as he can, which isn’t very loud at all. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Look, I’m not gonna say anything. He’s gonna kill me anyway.”_

_“No,” a voice says in the background of the Director’s audio._ Magnus? _“No, Taako!”_

_“Come on, Taako,” his dick of a torturer says, tying his rope into a knot that Taako is really not too excited about. “Why don’t we, ha,_ hang _out a little bit?_

_“Don’t touch him!” Magnus sounds so scared, which is making Taako realize that maybe they don't have a backup plan. Maybe he's just going to die here._

_“Unfortunately,” the Director says through the mic. “I will have to interrupt your, ah, hangout session.”_

_The next thing Taako hears is gunshots._

_(Of course they’d come for him. They’re his family.)_

-

“Taako, Taako, Taako, please, please, fuck, wake up. Please, come on, it’s just a dream, you’re gonna be okay, please.”

Taako wakes up choking on air. There are hands in his hair, and Magnus’s face is above him, looking _terrified._ Magnus has never looked like this while waking Taako up before, not even when Taako’d screamed until his throat went raw.

“Oh, thank God,” Magnus says, and pulls Taako to a sitting position so that he can hug him. “Oh, thank God, you’re awake, you weren’t waking up, and you had your hand around your throat-”

“Of course I’m awake,” Taako says. “Dying in my sleep is stupid, and it makes no sense.” He’s being sarcastic, and yet he brings his arms around Magnus and buries his face into the crook of his friend’s neck.

“You’re okay,” Magnus whispers. “It’s okay. You can cry.”

And Taako does. For what feels like hours but must be just minutes, he cries into Magnus’s shirt. It’s only after hearing sniffles above him that Taako realizes that he’s not the only one.

“You’re okay, Taako,” Magnus says. His voice is raw. It must _hurt_ him, seeing Taako like this, which is a baffling thought.

“I’m sorry,” Taako says. “I’m sorry I got us into this.”

“You’re forgiven,” Magnus says. “You’re forgiven. You’re okay. I love you; I love you, Taako.”

“I can’t do this,” Taako says. “I can’t - I can’t do this, pretending to be some fuckin’ rando, pretending I didn’t fuck all of our lives up, pretending I don’t constantly worry about whether or not they’re okay… if they found them.”

“You didn’t tell them anything, Taako,” Magnus says. “I know - I know you might not remember, I know you were fucked up on whatever they gave you, but we had audio and video connection. You didn’t tell them anything but your name. There’s - there’s no way they would have found the base, okay? I swear. I swear.”

Taako sucks in a breath, loud and embarrassing. _Put yourself together, dipshit. Magnus doesn’t need to see you like this._ “Okay,” Taako says. He remembers the dream that Magnus had the other night, the words that came out in his sleep. _We have nightmares about the same thing._

Magnus offers his arm for Taako to lie under. He doesn’t have to offer twice.

-

“Magnus,” Taako says. He’s in the kitchen with muffins in the oven, eyeing up the man who just walked through the front door. “Can you please explain the dog?”

“The Johnsons’ dog got pregnant!” is the answer. Magnus hasn’t stopped smiling since he came through the doors, puppy in his arms. “They didn’t even know until she gave birth ‘cause they’ve been gone lately. And they’re mutts, y’know, and they’re not the cutest things in the world, so no one wants them! They offered one to me for _free,_ for _free,_ Taako, and it already has all of its shots, just because they needed to get rid of a few, and it’s so cute.”

… It is a little cute, in an ugly sort of way. Taako steps forward to pet it, and it immediately starts gnawing on his fingers. Ugh. At least it doesn’t have enough teeth yet for it to actually hurt.

Taako looks up at Magnus, then. His cheeks are red from either the summer heat or the excitement, and Taako doesn’t even realize that he’s reaching out to touch the other's face until he’s already done it. _This is not friendly behavior,_ he tells himself, but Magnus is leaning into it.

“If Merle says yes, I say yes,” Taako says. “But _you’re_ the one who cleans up after it, alright? And it can’t sleep in our bed. _Ever._ ”

Magnus cheers and leans in to kiss Taako on the cheek. It’s kind of uncomfortable, considering that there’s a dog in between them. “I love you, Taako,” he says. It’s as if ever since he started saying it, now he can’t stop. Taako’s not complaining. “I already have all of his stuff in the car, I’ll go get it!”

Taako narrows his eyes. “You already bought all the supplies to keep it _before_ you asked me?”

Magnus smiles back at him, not sheepish at all. He’s just said that he’s going to go back outside, but he looks like he doesn’t want to pull away. “I’ll make it up to you! I promise!”

Taako closes his eyes for a second. He thinks about Merle’s advice, and he thinks about the stupid dog. This is all so stupid. This is all so _domestic._ “Take me out on a date,” Taako says, and opens his eyes. Magnus, somehow, impossibly, looks even happier. “To make it up to me, I mean. And it’s gotta be a real one. Just us two, somewhere nice.”

“Of course,” Magnus says, without even thinking about it, and there’s this _look_ on his face. It’s the look that he’d had on his face the first time he woke Taako up from a nightmare, the look that Taako had confused for pity. He can tell now, though, now that the word is out in the open, that it’s not pity at all. It’s just blunt love.

It’s enough to make Taako think that maybe, just maybe, this could work.

(Spoiler alert: it does.)

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!!!!!!!!!!!!! but don't tell me if you didn't bc i'll get sad lol


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